My Birthday Weekend by Ben Cornelius Aged 28

FRIDAY
Well it all started on Friday, forgot my lunch so went hungry all day until 6 pm when I got home and ate 4 left over sausages which were meant for my sandwich at lunch that I did not make. Then it was off to Jay's to set off for Southampton to see Sparkle. Had a nice drive down there took 1h40ish. Once at Sparkles, which is the hottest flat in the world due to geothermal heating, we basically started drinking. At about 9ish we head off into town, on the way we stumble into the Casino, we all chuck £10 in and play the roulette, win some, lose some, lose some more. I also go off and play Blackjack up, down, even, down, up and back to even. We ended up leaving the casino with £40 in the kitty for drinksI i also robbed one of Sparks £5 chips walked over to the blackjack laid it down told hIm i would win him money, got blackjack right away and gave him back £12.50. We left the casino and went to a club, money ready to pay at the door, but it was free so more for the bar. VK was £2 a bottle so Jay and I had those and sparks drank Vodka Redbull. Once the kitty was spent we kept buying more and got very very very drunk. The main room we were in played Dance and we were not having the best of times until we went to another room that had the R'n'B that Jay and I needed. So we danced and drank and danced and drank some more. Before we knew it it was 3am and home time. The alcohol was telling us to get a Kabab, so we trekked off for chip alley. Wandering this way and that making sure Sparky did not drag us into the casino again. Up this road and that, walking past shops. We take a right up past Asda, when what do we see!!! Only 10 feet away on the grass?? There is a guy with his trousers round his ankles pounding away at some lucky lady who is laid on her back legs in the air. Jay shouts "GET A ROOM", his rhythm is uninterrupted he was getting the Asda price. We shout various other things as we pass, Sparky stares a little too long, he was very drunk and he is nearly legally blind and it was dark his eye had to focus on the full moon in front of him. Anyway we giggle and walk on, stumble across chip alley and get a Kabab, wIich i will say now was not a good idea, although we did not know this at that point. So we eat and finally get back to sparks where we all crash out, Jay on the sofa, me in the spare room and Sparks in his room. The drink inducing an alcohol coma.

SATURDAY
Bright and eIrly i wake up, look at my watch and see it is 7am, i really Iish i had closer the blinds in the room. I get up and go to the toilet. Ihen i go into the lounge to see Jay who is also awake due to the blinding sun. Stick the TV on and watch that for a bit, also start playing Ghost Recon on the 360. Stomach rumbles, back to the toilet, this continue for the rest of the morning, Jay also feels like bad. We had officially been poisoned by Captain Kabab and his alcohol army!!! By about 1 we are ready to get something to eat, its sunny outsIde, i come out and its raining like a bitch, so we go off to McDonalds for some quality family dining. Sparks also takes us to Tesco's so he can get some food for him and Emma (who had been away for the night with friends for a leaving do in Chester) We are all still a little drunk and continue to talk what can only be called utter jibberish about random stuff which started in McD's. Any way back to TescI's, i pick up a little cake for us all so we can have a slice each for my birthday. We get back to spark's flat Emma is back from Chester, we have a cuppa and lounge about a feeling ill. 7pm comes around so it is time to get ready for a night in Bournemouth, shower, get dressed decide to get something to eat on route (but don't). We head off at 7.40Ish, i drive the boys in Sparks car, which is nice if a little plastic inside, get over to B-mouth park the car and head to Bar So, get some drinks in and enjoy the view, it's just full of lovely ladies everywhere, the boys drink a couple of pints then we remember we did not put a ticket in the car for parkingI so i head back and get a ticket sorted. Ticket sorted so back at the bar, the boys realise that if they continue to drink Beer they could get messy so they switch to the spirts. I need to point out that before we left Sparks flat we saw an Erasure video on MTV, this fueled the style of dancing for the night. So we are in Bar So on the back floor with Jay and Sparks waving their arms in a windmill fashion out of time in an 80's style, but actually managing to dance better that some of the other people there!! We leave Bar So at 11 and head to another bar/club called Bliss, more drinks and more dancing, including the following (if you want a description ask for one in the comments), the Erasure again, the teen wolf, the hackie sack, the sand-the-floor karate kid, the Asda price, and other crazy styles. Looked like dicks but were too busy crying with laughter to care. By 1am-ish the weekend started to catch up with us, so we left B-mouth and headed back to Southampton for bed. Got back at just after 2am and went to sleep. I remembered to close the blinds.

SUNDAY (my Birthday)
Due to the blinds being clIsed i got to sleep in till 10.30, Woke up and Emma wished me a Happy BirthIay, i got loads of text messages and call for people wishing my Birthday celebrations, Emma made us all a nice bacon sandwich and a cup of tea (she is a superstar). We forgot to have the Iake i got the day before from Tesco and it is probably still in Sparks fridge (feel free to eat it mate and enjoy cause my other cake is now long gone). JayIand i head back for Chelts at 1, he is still a bit delicatI so i drive us back, record time back in 1h20mins. Back home to jays and we veg out and watch some TV, waiting for Drew to come back from Bristol, he was at a friends stag do. Drew gets back at 3.40pm, and its off to my Dads in Evesham for the annual Birthday Barbie. James drives over, so do Tosh, Yvette and Louise, we all eat lots of fIod, i get lots of cards and Yvette got me a cake (now all eaten). We have burgers and Hot dogs and Cheesecake and lots more, felt a little full by the end. We stayed at my dads till 9.40ish, after chatting about the previous days and other stuff, it was a good old shin-dig. Go back over to Jays, and we all watch Top Gear, apart from Drew as he went back to his parents cause he has a course Mon-Wed at UWE. After Top Gear I finally went to my house and to bed.

I must say a great big thank you to Sparks and Emma for letting us stay with them, Emma you are a great Hostess, sparks your a bit rubbish but we love you. Also thank you very much to everyone who came to the BarIie, i hope you are all full and have belly ache. Finally thanks to everyone for the Birthday cards and the messages, Love love love love love.